Many couples agree to have the siblings all remain together. It is easier on everyone that way. All of the children go to the other parent at a set time as a unit. Even though they are facing many changes, they get the benefit of having the companionship of each other. Many siblings who come from a divorced family will tell you how important that was to helping them get through it.
The role that siblings play in each other’s life is fascinating. Even after they are grown many of them remain very close. When the world is scary as it often is during a divorce, they can support each other. No one else knows what they are feeling except their siblings so it is a great way to be able to talk to someone about the events taking place.
There are times though when parents choose to split up the siblings. They may let the older children choose who they want to live with. This can be hard for parents but they want their children to be where they are going to be the happiest. It is the unselfish parents who are able to so this without any problems.
Make sure you aren’t influencing your child’s decision as to who they want to live with. They should know they can change their mind down the road if they desire. The important thing is to find a way to maintain a very healthy relationship with that child. They also need to be encouraged to maintain contact with their siblings who aren’t living with them.
It may have to do with education as well. If one parent has to relocate they may want their children in school to stay with the other parent. They may only have a year or two left of high school. At the least the arrangement may be in place until the school year is finished and other plans can be made.
Finances and location can be a problem as well. A parent may want all of their children with them but have a two bedroom apartment. With many children that isn’t going to work out well. They may be staying with a friend or family member and so their really is just no room. Until they can afford to get a bigger place it may be necessary to split up the siblings.
Very young children may need to remain with their mother for various reasons. They may be nursing or the father may not be able to provide adequate childcare. Older children may be allowed to fly on their own back and forth between parents. The younger children can’t do so and therefore they remain in one place until they get older.
Another issue has to do with special needs children. They may require additional care and medical supplies that are too difficult or expensive to have in both locations. This may result in one parent being fully responsible for that particular child. It depends on the abilities of the parents as well as the severity of the medical problems that the child has.
The decision to keep siblings together after a divorce is one that each family will have to evaluate. It may work well for the issues at hand but at other times it doesn’t. Regardless of the decision, all of the children need to know the divorce wasn’t their fault. They also need to have the love and encouragement of both parents. Forging a solid relationship with each of them is important to the overall well being of each child.